How to make friends online as an adult
Busy job, new city, night shifts, a small town, or simply more comfortable writing than talking: there are many good reasons to look for friends online. Here is how to find the right people, start well, and turn a chat into a friendship that lasts.
Feeling low, not just lonely? Find help now.
The short answer. Join one or two small groups that meet again and again around something you enjoy, reply to people in a specific way, and move slowly from public chat to private messages to a video call. Online friends are made the same way as offline ones: with hours together, so pick a place where you will see the same people every week.
- About 50 hours together make a casual friend, about 90 a friend, and more than 200 a close friend. (KU News 2018; friend-hours calculator)
- Hanging out, joking and catching up went with growing closer. (Hall 2018, doi:10.1177/0265407518761225)
- About 1 in 6 people worldwide are affected by loneliness. (WHO, 30 June 2025)
Updated 29 October 2026. Written with AI help and checked against the sources above.
Where to make friends online
The best places have three things: a shared interest, the same people coming back, and groups small enough that you get noticed.
- Hobby communities. Forums, servers and groups for one thing you love: a game, a craft, a book series, birdwatching, old films. A small, active group beats a huge one.
- Language exchanges. You help with your language, they help with theirs. Everyone there wants to talk, and the weekly rhythm builds hours fast.
- Online classes and reading groups. A course with live sessions or a book club with a set date gives you the same faces every week and something to talk about.
- Gaming groups. Playing together regularly, in a team or a guild, is time together. Voice chat during a game is one of the easiest ways to talk without pressure.
- Online volunteering. Translation, mentoring, transcription or support projects put you alongside people who care about the same thing.
- Pen pal and letter sites. Slower, deeper and calmer. Good if you prefer writing to small talk. See pen pals for adults for an honest comparison.
- Friend-finding apps. Some apps are made for friendship only; others mix friendship with romance. Read the rules first, pick one that is clearly about friends, and leave if the tone keeps drifting towards romance.
How to start: what to say first
- Be specific. Reply to something they actually wrote, made or shared. "I tried your sourdough tip and it worked" opens a conversation; "hi" does not.
- Give a little, ask a little. One honest detail about you, then one easy question. That is enough for a first message.
- Show up in public first. Answer questions, share your own work, thank people. By the time you message someone privately, they already know your name.
- Don't sell, recruit or vent on day one. Lightness first; the deep conversations come once there is trust.
From chat to friendship in 4 steps
- Be a regular. Turn up in the same place every week. Being recognised is the turning point online too.
- Move one conversation to private messages when it keeps going: "This is getting long for the group, shall we carry on by message?"
- Add rhythm. A weekly game, a shared read with a chat every Sunday, a letter every fortnight. Rhythm turns a nice chat into hours together. (Busy diary? See making friends in your 30s and 40s.)
- Add a voice or a face. After a few weeks, suggest a short voice or video call. It deepens things quickly and it is a good safety check before you ever meet.
Two hours a week is about 100 hours a year: enough, over time, for real friends. Work out your own timeline with the calculator.
Making friends online in other countries
Some of the best online friendships cross borders. A few things help:
- Agree a time that works in both time zones, or use letters and voice notes so nobody has to be awake at 3 a.m.
- Be curious about ordinary life: what they cook on a weeknight, how they get to work, what a normal Saturday looks like.
- Use the language you share, and be patient with mistakes on both sides. Many friendships start as language practice.
- Don't assume. Ask rather than guess about holidays, religion or politics, and share yours only when asked.
If you are shy or introverted
Online can be the easier door: you can think before you reply and you can leave a conversation gently. Writing-based friendships (forums, letters, long messages) suit many quiet people well. Start by replying, not posting; ask one question; and let one person become a regular before you look for more. If shyness keeps you from things you want to do most days, talking to a doctor can help; find help here.
How to make friends online safely
- Keep personal details private at first: full name, home address, workplace, phone number and daily routine.
- Never send money, gift cards, crypto or bank details to someone you met online, for any reason.
- Be careful with anyone who rushes you to another app, asks for photos, or turns the friendship towards romance you did not ask for.
- Video call before you meet, then meet in a busy public place in daytime and tell a friend where you'll be.
The full list, with scam warning signs and where to report them: pen pal safety.
Where Be My Friend AI fits
We are a small, new friendship website, not a big app and not a dating site. You write one letter; Sami's AI assistant writes back (it always says it is an AI); and when there is someone you might get on with, it asks you both. Nothing is shared unless you both say yes. Introductions are online for now: pen pals, study partners and people to talk ideas with, anywhere you share a language. Need a first letter? Use our template.
Questions about making friends online
Can you really make friends online as an adult?
Yes. Friendship grows from time spent with the same people, and that time can be letters, long messages, voice notes, games or video calls as well as coffee. Research by Jeffrey Hall (2018) found that time spent hanging out, joking and catching up went with growing closer, and online conversation can be exactly that.
Where is the best place to make friends online?
Wherever the same people come back every week around something you enjoy: a hobby forum or server, a language exchange, an online class or reading group, a gaming group, a volunteering project, or a pen pal site. Small groups that meet regularly work better than huge public feeds.
How do I start a conversation with someone online?
Reply to something specific they wrote or made, add one honest detail about yourself, and ask one easy question. "Your photo of the old bridge made me want to visit. I love walking cities at dawn too. Where would you go first?" works far better than "hi, how are you?"
How do I make friends online from other countries?
Language exchanges, international pen pal sites and hobby groups with members from many countries are the easiest start. Agree a time that suits both time zones, write in the language you share, and be curious about ordinary daily life, which is often the most interesting part.
How do I make friends online safely?
Keep your full name, address, workplace and phone number private at first, never send money, gift cards or crypto, and step back from anyone who rushes you to another app, asks for photos, or turns a friendship towards romance you did not want. Meet in person only in a busy public place, after a video call.
Meeting someone you met online? Video call first, meet in a busy public place, tell a friend where you'll be, and never send money to anyone you met online. Read the safety tips. Not okay right now? Find help now.
Sources
- Hall, J. A. (2018 online; 2019 in print). How many hours does it take to make a friend? Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 36(4), 1278-1296. doi:10.1177/0265407518761225
- University of Kansas (6 March 2018). Study reveals number of hours it takes to make a friend. news.ku.edu
- World Health Organization (30 June 2025). Social connection linked to improved health and reduced risk of early death. who.int
Start with one letter
Tell us your first name, the languages you speak and one thing you could talk about for an hour. If there's someone you might get on with, we'll ask you both.
Your letter is read and answered by Sami's AI assistant, which signs its replies that way. Sami reads a summary of every day's letters.