60 pen pal questions for adults

Jump to: Easy questions for a first letter · Everyday life and the place you live · Work, learning and skills · Books, films and music · Big questions, for when you know each other a bit · Playful questions, and ones for when letters slow down · Questions to save for later

Easy questions for a first letter

Light, friendly and easy to answer. Pick two or three, not all ten.

1. What does a normal Tuesday look like for you?
2. What's something you're looking forward to this month?
3. What made you want a pen pal?
4. What can you see from where you're sitting right now? (No street names needed.)
5. What do you do with a free afternoon and no plans?
6. What small thing made you smile this week?
7. Tea, coffee, or something else entirely?
8. What's a word in your language that you wish other languages had?
9. What are you reading, watching or listening to at the moment?
10. What do people usually get wrong about where you live?

Everyday life and the place you live

Pen pals love the ordinary details. Describe the place, not the address.

11. What does breakfast look like where you live?
12. What's the weather doing, and how do people there complain about it?
13. What's a local food you'd make a visitor try?
14. What's a festival or holiday you love, and what do people actually do on the day?
15. What's the best walk near you? Describe it, no map needed.
16. What's a habit you started as an adult that you wish you'd started sooner?
17. What's in your bag or pockets right now?
18. What sound do you hear most often at home?
19. What do people where you live do on a Sunday?
20. What's normal where you live but would surprise a visitor?

Work, learning and skills

Good for the second or third letter. You can talk about work without naming your employer.

21. What's something you're learning right now, or want to?
22. What's a job you'd do for a year just for the stories?
23. What's a skill you have that most people don't know about?
24. Who taught you something important outside a classroom?
25. What did you want to be when you were ten?
26. What's the best advice you've had about work?
27. If you could take one free class in anything, what would it be?
28. What's a mistake that taught you more than a success did?
29. What's something you're quietly good at?
30. What's a project you've started and would love to finish?

Books, films and music

An easy way to find what you have in common, and to get recommendations from another country.

31. What book would you give a new friend?
32. What film can you watch again and again?
33. What song takes you straight back to a particular year?
34. What's a book you didn't finish, and do you feel guilty about it?
35. Who's an artist or writer from your country the rest of the world should know?
36. What was the last thing that made you laugh out loud?
37. What story (a book, a film or a family story) do you think about more than you expected?
38. What did you love as a teenager that you'd still defend today?
39. Music, podcasts or silence when you travel?
40. If this week were a film, what kind of film would it be?

Big questions, for when you know each other a bit

Slow questions. Answer one per letter and let your pen pal take their time.

41. What's something you've changed your mind about in the last few years?
42. What does a good friend do that most people forget to?
43. What would you tell yourself at 20?
44. What do you think people need more of these days?
45. When do you feel most like yourself?
46. What's a tradition you'd like to start?
47. Is there a question you wish people asked you more often?
48. What's a kindness from a stranger that you still remember?
49. What does "home" mean to you?
50. What's one small thing you'd change about the world if you could?

Playful questions, and ones for when letters slow down

When a pen pal has gone a bit quiet, a fun question is easier to answer than "How are you?".

51. What's your most unpopular food opinion?
52. Which three people from history would you invite to dinner, and who would talk the most?
53. What's the most useless superpower you'd still love to have?
54. What's the strangest thing you've ever eaten?
55. What's a rule you follow that nobody gave you?
56. Tell me about a photo on your phone. (You don't need to send it.)
57. What's something that went well since your last letter?
58. If we swapped lives for a day, what should I definitely not miss?
59. What's something you've been meaning to try for years?
60. What question would you like me to answer in my next letter?

Questions to save for later (or never)

These aren't rude, but they are the questions scammers and pushy people ask early. Leave them out until you really trust each other, and be careful if someone asks you them in the first few letters.

• Where exactly do you live, or work? (Your city or country is plenty.)
• What's your full name, or your social media? (Share it later, if ever, when you trust each other.)
• How much do you earn, or what do you own?
• Can you send me a photo of yourself? (A friendship doesn't need one. A photo of your lunch is fine.)
• Are you single? (Not here. This is friendship.)

Never send money, gift cards or crypto to a pen pal. More tips in our pen pal guide and on the Safety page.

Find someone to ask

Comparing where to find a pen pal? Read Pen pals for adults, our honest look at Slowly, InterPals, Postcrossing, Reddit and Be My Friend AI. Or skip the browsing and write one letter.

Your letter is read and answered by Sami's AI assistant, which signs its replies that way. Sami reads a summary of every day's letters.