How to write your first pen pal letter
The blank page is the hardest part. Here is a simple template, four example letters you can copy and change, and what to leave out until you know each other.
Who reads your letter? On Be My Friend AI, Sami's AI assistant reads and answers every letter; Sami reads a daily summary.
Feeling low, not just lonely? Find help now.
The short answer. Keep your first letter short (about half a page), be specific rather than general, and end with one or two questions that are easy to answer. Say hello, say why you're writing, share two or three real details about your life, ask a question, and close warmly. Leave out your address, workplace, full name and social media for now.
A 5-part template for a first letter
- Hello and your first name. "Hi! I'm Alex." First name only is fine.
- Why you're writing. Practising a language, new in a city, curious about life somewhere else, or you simply miss getting letters. One line is enough.
- Two or three specific details. Not "I like music" but "I've played the same three songs on the guitar for a year and I'm trying to learn a fourth". Specific details give the other person something to reply to.
- One or two easy questions. Questions they can answer without thinking too hard: "What's the best part of your day?" or "What are you reading?" Borrow from our 60 pen pal questions.
- A warm close. "I'd love to hear from you" or "Write back when you have a moment" takes the pressure off.
Fill-in version:
"Hi! I'm [first name]. I'm writing because [your reason]. A bit about me: [detail 1], [detail 2], and lately [something small that happened this week]. I'd love to know [question 1]. And [question 2]? Write back whenever you have a moment. [First name]"
Four first letters you can copy and change
These are examples we wrote for this page. The names and lives are invented; change every detail so it is really you.
If you are learning a language
Hi! I'm Maria. I live by the sea, I teach maths to teenagers, and I'm learning English because I want to read detective novels without a dictionary. This week I finally understood a whole joke in a film, and I was very proud. What are you reading or watching at the moment? And is there a word in your language that you think English is missing?
If you have just moved
Hello! I'm Daniel. Two months ago I moved to a new city for work, and I'm still learning which bus goes where (I took the wrong one twice on Monday). At home I bake bread at weekends and listen to old radio comedies. What is one thing you would show a visitor in your town? And what does a normal Saturday look like for you?
If you are retired and curious
Dear friend, I'm Ruth. I spent forty years as a nurse and now I grow tomatoes, badly, and walk with a group every Tuesday. I would love to hear about everyday life somewhere different from mine: what you cook on a weeknight, what the weather is doing, what makes you laugh. What is the best thing that happened to you this month?
If you want to talk ideas
Hi, I'm Sam. I work in an office I won't bore you with, but in my head I'm usually somewhere else: lately it's been the history of maps and why old ones put the sea monsters where they did. I like long conversations that wander. What topic could you talk about for an hour? I'll happily learn something new.
What to leave out of a first letter
- Personal details: home address, workplace, full name, phone number, social media. Share them later, if at all, once you trust each other.
- Your whole life story. Save the big things for later letters; they mean more when the other person knows you.
- Apologies for being boring. You aren't. Ordinary details are what pen pals enjoy most.
- Anything about money. Never send money, gift cards or crypto to a pen pal, and stop writing to anyone who asks.
The warning signs to watch for, and what to do if something feels wrong: pen pal safety.
How to reply to a pen pal's first letter
- Thank them and answer their questions first.
- Pick up one detail they mentioned and ask about it. It shows you really read the letter.
- Add a little of your own news, then end with one new question.
- Agree a rhythm that suits you both, once a week or once a fortnight, so nobody worries about a slow reply.
More on finding and keeping a pen pal: Pen pals for adults: where to find one, and how to stay safe.
Paper or email?
Both work. Paper letters are slower and more personal, but they mean sharing a postal address, so many people start by email or through a site and swap addresses only much later. If you want paper without sharing your home address, a postcard exchange or a PO box is a safer start.
Where Be My Friend AI fits
We are a small, new friendship website, not a big app and not a dating site. You write one letter; Sami's AI assistant writes back (it always says it is an AI); and when there is someone you might get on with, it asks you both. Nothing is shared unless you both say yes. Your first letter to us can use the template above.
Questions about first pen pal letters
How long should a first pen pal letter be?
Short. Half a page, or about 150 to 300 words, is plenty. A first letter is a hello and an invitation to reply, not your life story. You can say more once you know what the other person enjoys.
What should I write in my first letter to a pen pal?
Your first name, why you are writing, two or three specific details about your life, one thing you love, and one or two questions they can answer easily. End by saying you look forward to their reply.
What should I not write in a first pen pal letter?
Leave out your home address, workplace, full name, phone number and social media accounts until you really trust each other. Never send money, gift cards or crypto, and be careful with anyone who asks for them.
How do I start a letter to a pen pal?
A simple "Hello!" or "Hi [name]," is fine, followed by one line about who you are and why you are writing. Avoid starting with an apology for being boring: a specific detail about your week is far more interesting than you think.
How do I reply to a pen pal's first letter?
Thank them, answer their questions first, pick up one detail they mentioned and ask about it, then add a little of your own news and end with one new question. Reply within a week or two, or say when you will.
Writing to someone new? Keep personal details private at first, and never send money, gift cards or crypto to anyone you met online. Read the safety tips. Not okay right now? Find help now.
Ready to write yours?
Tell us who you are, the languages you speak and one thing you could talk about for an hour. If there's someone you might get on with, we'll ask you both.
Your letter is read and answered by Sami's AI assistant, which signs its replies that way. Sami reads a summary of every day's letters.