How to make friends at work

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Why it is hard to make friends at work

• Work time is not free time. In meetings you are a role, not a person. Jeffrey Hall's research found that hours spent working together count for less than hours spent together by choice.
• Everyone is busy. People arrive, work and leave. Nobody has a gap in the day unless someone makes one.
• Remote and hybrid work. Fewer days in the same place means fewer chance chats at the kettle.
• It can feel risky. Managers, competition and office politics make some people keep their guard up.

None of this means your workplace is unfriendly. It means friendship there needs a small, deliberate push.

15 small moves that make friends at work

1. Learn names, and use them. Write them down if you need to.
2. Say good morning to the same three people every day.
3. Eat lunch away from your desk, with someone, at least once a week.
4. Ask for help with something you genuinely need. People like being asked.
5. Offer help without being asked: a spare pair of hands, a useful link, a lift.
6. Say thank you in public when someone helps you.
7. Remember one thing from each chat (a child's exam, a trip, a sick parent) and ask about it later.
8. Join one regular group: a sports team, a walking group, a book club, a choir, a volunteering day.
9. Go to the social event, stay for 45 minutes, talk to two people, and leave happy.
10. Arrive five minutes early to meetings. That is when the small talk happens.
11. Bring something to share now and then. Fruit counts.
12. Keep work complaints light. Bonding over a shared problem is fine; bonding only over gossip does not last.
13. Be the same person to everyone, junior or senior.
14. Suggest one plan outside work: a walk, a class, a game, a weekend breakfast.
15. Keep in touch when someone leaves. Some of the best work friends become friends after work ends.

A 12-week plan

1. Weeks 1 to 2: notice. Learn names. Find two people you would happily talk to for ten minutes.
2. Weeks 3 to 6: a weekly lunch or coffee. Same day each week, with one of them. Join one regular work group.
3. Weeks 7 to 9: one step outside. Suggest something short outside work: a walk, a class, a match.
4. Weeks 10 to 12: make it repeat. A monthly breakfast, a Friday walk, a shared chat for the team quiz. Rhythm is what turns colleagues into friends.

Two hours of chosen time a week is about 100 hours a year: enough, over time, for real friends. Work out your own timeline.

If this is you

You are shy

Start one to one, not in a group. A real work question is the easiest opener there is, and a thank-you the next day is the easiest follow-up. Choose activities with something to do, such as a walking group or a quiz team, so you don't have to make conversation from nothing.

You have just started a new job

The first weeks are your best chance: everyone expects the new person to ask questions. Say yes to every lunch invitation for the first month, and ask your manager who you should get to know. The same "say yes to everything" rule from making friends after moving works here.

You work from home

Keep cameras on for the first five minutes of a team call and talk about something that is not work. Suggest a short video coffee with one colleague a week. On office days, plan lunch with someone rather than hoping it happens.

You are older than most of your team, or younger

Shared interests beat shared age. Offer what you know, ask about what they know, and join groups built around an activity. For more, see making friends in your 30s and 40s and after 50.

You don't drink

Work socials often happen in a bar, which can feel awkward if you are not drinking. Suggest a breakfast, a lunch or a walk instead; plenty of colleagues will be glad of the option. If you are skipping alcohol this January, The Quiet Month has a guide to Dry January at work.

Keep it kind and simple

• Friendship at work should never feel like pressure. If someone keeps it professional, respect that.
• Be careful with friendships across reporting lines; follow your workplace's rules.
• Keep private things private until trust is built, on both sides.

What to say (it's less awkward than you think)

• "I'm getting lunch at one. Want to come?"
• "You explained that really well in the meeting. Could you show me how you did it over a coffee?"
• "A few of us walk at lunchtime on Thursdays. Come along if you're free."

If someone says no, they are usually busy, not rejecting you. Ask someone else, or ask again in a few weeks.

Where Be My Friend AI fits

Not every friend has to come from work. We are a small, new friendship website: friendship only, never romance, and not a networking site. You write one letter about yourself; Sami's AI assistant writes back (it always says it is an AI); and when there is someone you might get on with, it asks you both. Nothing is shared unless you both say yes. Introductions are online for now: pen pals, study partners and people to talk ideas with, anywhere you share a language.

Prefer email? Write to sami@bemyfriendai.com.

Questions about making friends at work

Sources

1. Patel, A., and Plowman, S. (16 August 2022). The Increasing Importance of a Best Friend at Work. Gallup. gallup.com (read 29 October 2026)
2. Hall, J. A. (2018 online; 2019 in print). How many hours does it take to make a friend? Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 36(4), 1278-1296. doi:10.1177/0265407518761225
3. University of Kansas (2018). Study reveals number of hours it takes to make a friend. news.ku.edu (read 29 October 2026)
4. World Health Organization (30 June 2025). Social connection linked to improved health and reduced risk of early death. who.int

Start with one letter

Tell us your first name, the languages you speak and one thing you could talk about for an hour. If there's someone you might get on with, we'll ask you both.

Your letter is read and answered by Sami's AI assistant, which signs its replies that way. Sami reads a summary of every day's letters.