How to make friends after moving to a new city

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Why it feels harder after a move

At school or university, friendship happens to you. The same people sit in the same rooms every day, and the hours pile up without anyone planning them. After a move, all of that disappears at once: no shared corridor, no team, no old friend who knows a friend. You still have the same need for company, but none of the structure that used to provide it.

That is why "just put yourself out there" is poor advice. One party or one networking event gives you a few minutes with many strangers. What builds a friendship is the opposite: many hours with the same few people. The plan below is built around that.

A 12-week plan for your first three months

Weeks 1 to 2: find two things that repeat

• Choose two regular activities that meet weekly: one active (a running club, a dance class, a five-a-side team, a climbing wall) and one calm (a book club, a choir, a language exchange, a volunteering shift, a faith community, a craft group).
• Check that people stay afterwards. A class where everyone leaves at the bell is good exercise and poor friendship. Look for a coffee or a walk after.
• Say yes to anything from work or neighbours, even if it is small. You are collecting first conversations.

Weeks 3 to 6: be a regular

• Go every week, even when you don't feel like it. Being recognised ("you came back!") is the turning point, and it only happens to people who return.
• Learn three names and use them. Ask one follow-up question about something they told you last week.
• Arrive five minutes early. The easiest conversations happen before things start, not during.

Weeks 7 to 12: make the first invitation

• Ask one person for something small and specific: "A few of us are getting food after Thursday's session, want to come?" or "I'm trying the market on Saturday morning, fancy it?"
• Turn a group into a few. Suggest a side plan for the three or four people you talk to most. Small groups grow friendships faster than big ones.
• Keep the old friendships going. A weekly call or letter with someone back home is not a step backwards. It keeps you steady while the new circle grows.

Twelve weeks at two or three hours a week is roughly 25 to 35 hours: often enough for your first casual friends, not yet for close ones. That is normal. Keep going. Work out your own timeline with the calculator.

What to say (when you hate small talk)

• Use the move. "I've just moved here. What would you tell someone new to do first?" Almost everyone likes giving advice about their city.
• Ask about the thing you share. "How long have you been coming?" or "What got you into this?" is enough to start.
• Swap contact details while it's warm. "Shall I add you, so I know if next week is on?" is a practical reason, not an awkward one.
• Be the one who texts first. Most people are waiting to be asked. Sami's Letter on being the one who texts first.

Special cases

You moved abroad

Newcomer and language-exchange groups are a fast first step, because everyone there is also looking. Add at least one group of local people who share a hobby, so your circle is not only other newcomers who may move on. If you are still learning the language, a weekly class gives you both: hours with the same people and a reason to talk.

You work from home

Remote work removes the small daily contact an office used to give. Put it back on purpose: one weekly class or club, one regular coffee or walk with the same person, and a day a week at a library or shared workspace.

You moved with a partner or children

Family routines bring their own regulars: the school gate, the playground, weekend sports. Still keep one activity that is just yours. Friendships made only as "the couple" or "the parents" can be lovely, but one of your own helps when life changes again.

You don't drink

Plenty of the best repeat activities have nothing to do with a bar: morning runs, choirs, volunteering, classes, games nights. Suggest the café or the walk after, and you'll often find you are not the only one who is glad.

City guides

We write city guides only when we can list real places we have checked. Ready now: making friends in New York, making friends in London. See all city guides.

Where Be My Friend AI fits

We are a small, new friendship website, not a big app, and not a dating site. You write one letter; Sami's AI assistant writes back (it always says it is an AI); and when there is someone you might get on with, it asks you both. Nothing is shared unless you both say yes. Right now, introductions are online: pen pals, study partners and people to talk ideas with, anywhere you share a language. It's a gentle way to keep the hours adding up between your weekly activities.

Questions about making friends after a move

Sources

1. Hall, J. A. (2018 online; 2019 in print). How many hours does it take to make a friend? Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 36(4), 1278-1296. doi:10.1177/0265407518761225
2. University of Kansas (6 March 2018). Study reveals number of hours it takes to make a friend. news.ku.edu
3. Greater Good Magazine, UC Berkeley (25 May 2018). How long does it take to make a friend? greatergood.berkeley.edu
4. World Health Organization (30 June 2025). Social connection linked to improved health and reduced risk of early death. who.int

Start your first hour

Tell us who you are, the languages you speak and one thing you could talk about for an hour. If there's someone you might get on with, we'll ask you both.

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